Why are Boundaries important for women?

The other day I was at my Somatic Therapy session with Miranda as I was trying to work through my nervous anxiety around flying. I have an upcoming trip to Toronto for a Well Collab Feminine Leadership Circle and as much as I want to be a business owner who travels the world, I struggle to fly. I am specifically afraid of having a panic attack on the plane followed by running up and down the aisle screaming. This has never happened, on the many flights I’ve taken across Canada, the states, including by myself over the ocean, but somehow this time I’m convinced it will. It causes a lot of stress leading up to the flight itself, a time I’d love to be planning with positive anticipation. 

I am doing a lot of work leading up to the trip to help me regulate and heal. This week I saw my Body Talk Practitioner, Somatic Therapist, and today I have an appointment with my amazing Facialist. 

anybody else remember this Glow Worm toy?

During my somatic session I had an experience where I recognized my spirit was outside of my body. As I sunk back into myself I had a feeling of great peace. I wanted to stay there forever. I visualized zipping myself up into a cocoon like the Glow Worm from the 90’s.

I realized I have been frequently stepping outside of myself to ‘help or assist’ others. Taking away their opportunity to figure it out themselves. I mainly do this with my kids and hubby. It’s not as much of an issue with my work, I guess I have healthier boundaries there. 

How does this relate to boundaries? This was my subconscious way of telling me I am not honoring my boundaries and other people’s capabilities. It’s hurting me and causing me a lot of anxiety. When we step out of our own hula hoop, thank you Jenn LePage, there is no one left to care for us. 

Imagine everyone has a hula hoop around them, including you. To step into someone else’s hula hoop, you must leave on your own, leaving yours vulnerable and exposed. This was happening to me, and it felt like an ‘out of body’ experience. I needed to come back into myself. 

This is how I look at boundaries in terms of self-care. When it comes to boundaries and others, they never cause us to control anyone. If you find you are telling other’s what to do, you are acting in control and not boundaries. 

Boundaries never tell anyone what to do, they simply state what you will not accept.

Here are some examples:

The noise is too loud in the living room.

Control: turn the volume down

Boundary: find a quieter room for yourself

You catch your partner cheating on you:

Control: stop cheating on me

Boundary: This doesn’t work for me, I deserve better so I am leaving

Your employee isn’t doing their job on time:

Control: You tell them to start getting this stuff done on time or you simply do it for them

Boundary: Is there something in the way of you reaching your deadline? We won’t be able to keep you on our team if they get missed x number of times

This only works if you follow through with your boundaries. They aren’t easy and the onus falls on you to communicate them clearly. They never tell anyone what to do, but give people autonomy to make the choice for themselves.

Boundaries are powerful both personally and professionally. They care for our mental health and allow others to be responsible for themselves. They empower people to make educated choices and foster stronger leaders.

Boundaries are a healthy Feminine Leadership Principle, we will be discussing this principle all of February!
For more on boundaries I recommend the work of Ashley The Boundaries Therapist.

Attend our events to join the conversation.

Written by Tammy Zdunich

The Well Collab Founder, Feminine Leadership Coach, Multi Business Owner