The Chase is On
I am probably the most perfectly unqualified person to write a blog on the theme of Pursuit at this point in my life. I have been tangled up in a riddle of direction or should I say lack of. I feel like a pinball machine lately smacking off the bumpers, lighting up for a few seconds when an idea hits and then bam on to the next thing.
Here is a small sample of how my brain has been working recently:
Keep working on your book, nope, no one wants to read poetry.
Write a blog for new website, ok, on what- theory of absolutes in society, yes. Great! Get quotes from Russell Brand, watch 10 YouTube videos, listen to Under the Skin podcast, what about the Straw Man argument you read probably 5 months ago, yes, don’t use the words “ Straw man”, pejorative to use that term, or is it?? It may be an actual psychological theory. Must look up.
Write Pursuit blog for the Well- done. Nope. Hate it. Start over.
Why did I even pay for a new website? Why am I expanding my consulting business? What is my purpose? Must redo my WHY?
Must be more present on social media. Need to schedule posts 3 x weekly, with light filters, brand boards, and many other words I do not understand.
Maybe I should go back to teaching? I could put my name back on the sub list. Am I insane???
Good question, am I insane. I feel there is a good possibility.
What I know- love consulting and writing. Clients bring me joy.
Should host more workshops. Yes, need to create many more workshops. I am a teacher and this will give me direction.
Want to become a Womanspeak facilitator. I am passionate about this program. This brings me joy that I haven’t felt since I was a kid.
WELP! I am short circuiting.
One of my favorite Ted Talks of all time is by a man called Barry Schwarz called “The Paradox of Choice”. I think I’m in the middle of a choice paralysis.
He says: “ it's easy to imagine that you could've made a different choice that would've been better.”
Every day, multiple times a day, I question my choices. I am constantly projecting different outcomes, changing the variables. This is leaving me in a state of flux, dissatisfaction and high anxiety. Oh, I forgot irritability and resentfulness. This is not my normal state of operating. I am generally a rational, focused and decisive human, especially in my work life.
I was just reading an article in The Globe and Mail talking about the fact many of us are way past pandemic fatigue and heading into the frontier of exhaustion. Judging by my state of mind, I would have to agree.
This has been a great exercise in evaluating the stressors in my life. At this point, I think we underestimate the insidious effect of daily deviations in our life. My home dynamic has been very volatile recently and this is contributing to my loss of equilibrium. One small shift here and there has resulted in a seismic ripple in my overall well-being.
So back to pursuit, at this point in my life my main goals are stability and grace. After reading this you may be thinking, lofty goals my friend! The more grace I allow myself, the more serenity will flow. As a group of wise friends remind me often,
“ Progress not perfection .”
Written by Leane Durand
