Ode to the Many Hatted Women
Wife. Mother. Sister. Daughter. Friend.
Professional. Entrepreneur. Freelancer. Consultant. Mentor.
Cheerleader. Travel agent. Barista. Stylist. Chauffeur. Scheduler. Chef. Housekeeper.
As women, we tend to wear many hats. Sometimes too many hats and it can weigh us down. In work and in our personal lives, we often find ourselves juggling so many responsibilities they start to blur together.
As with most things in life, there are pros and cons to wearing many hats. For many of us, it’s not exactly optional, so there is definitely an acceptance factor there. But if you’re anything like me, you tend to raise your hand, extend an offer of help, and quietly pitch to fill a need. Hats, therefore, can be divided into ‘trends’ – the ones we have to wear (they’re attached to our heads!), the ones we choose to wear, and the ones we feel obligated to try on or model.
The Hats We Have to Wear
These are the ones there’s no getting around. We have to nurse our sick children; we have to go to work every day (unless we are nursing sick children). We have to play secretary of our households - remember to take the car in for an oil change, mow the lawn, pay our taxes, and a hundred other things that need to get done.
But if the weight of the must-wear hats starts to feel overwhelming, there are strategies we can use to reorganize our lives and maybe – just maybe – wear fewer hats on any given day or at any given time of the day.
This might look like a more equitable division of labor with a partner or spouse or even more chores for the kids. It might be small luxuries if you can afford them, like hiring someone to clean the house periodically, paying a teen in the neighbourhood to mow the lawn, or investing in a meal delivery service for easy weeknight dinners. Bringing in reinforcements for the tasks that sap your energy take some of that weight off your shoulders.
Also consider how you organize your time when there’s never enough. With an analysis of where your time goes each day, some serious prioritizing, and a good scheduling system, you may find you can get more done and in a more logical fashion. This will alleviate some discord you feel inside when it seems like there’s just too much to do.
The Hats We Choose to Wear
Ah, the passion projects. The PTA. Coaching the softball team. Mentoring young professionals. Joining the board of a mission-driven organization. There are so many worthy uses of our precious time, and it’s common to want to do it all.
While some wonder women manage to be everywhere all the time, it’s simply not practical for the vast majority of us. So yes, give. Give what you can when you can. But give to yourself too. Give yourself space and time to do the things that are just for you, that restore you. Go to the gala or go to a yoga class? Volunteer at the 5K or run it? Only you can decide, but be mindful of your limits and give yourself a buffer.
Believe me, I understand how difficult it can be to let go of some of these things that we care so deeply about. I offer you these two gentle reminders:
If you step away from a project or an organization, it doesn’t have to be forever. You can go back when it becomes more feasible.
You don’t need to walk away completely. Consider scaling back instead (i.e., resign from the Board of Directors and serve on a membership committee.) You’ll protect your time and energy while keeping your hand in.
The Hats We Try On
This one is mostly for the office. Employment usually comes with a job description that outlines primary responsibilities, and there’s often an extra bullet point in there that says ‘other duties as assigned’. It’s unavoidable: things come up, people need help, all hands are on deck. But if you’re feeling pulled in too many different directions, it might be time to say NO to more hats.
If you’re higher up the ladder, it’s time to sharpen your delegation skills. Hire people you trust and then trust them with more responsibility. And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t do their work for them if they’ve become accustomed to you picking up their slack. You can’t take some hats off until you hold others accountable.
If you report to someone yet find work requests coming in from different directions and various departments, consult with your manager. Enlist them to create some appropriate boundaries and rely on them to set priorities. If you’ve been handed 60 hours of work in a 40-hour week, the person you report to can establish what has to get done versus what will simply have to wait.
Hats Off to You!
You’re amazing, oh wearer of many hats! But give yourself a break sometimes. Make a list of the hats you wear, at home, in your professional life, and in your community. I encourage you to be a little more ‘fashion-conscious’ this month. Try taking a few hats off and see how it feels.
Or – and this is deliciously decadent – take ALL your hats off for one day and just…. be.
