Her First Ride at 38

Written by Taheera Fidaali, Well Partner

This month at the Well, we are diving into Roadblocks. We are collectively  working together to dismantle the physical or metaphorical things that get in our way from achieving, from being, and most importantly, from finding our joy. 

When asked to write the Roadblocks blog, I knew I wanted to share a story that would inspire others to take action towards their own goals. And since this community is so inspiring, I didn’t have to wander very far to find that story…

...Last summer, while physically apart, our community rallied together virtually to cheer on Well Woman Mona Khan, who was learning to ride a bike. It was so amazing to see the video she shared of her first bike ride, and all the praise and encouragement from the community. I wanted to share this beautiful story, and hear from her in her own words, what it was like to learn how to ride a bike as an adult. I hope her words inspire you to take action to identify and dismantle your own roadblocks.

Can you tell us about where you grew up, and if learning to ride a bike was common for young girls.

I was born and grew up in the United Arab Emirates, UAE for short. We lived in the capital city Abu Dhabi growing up. In the 80’s and 90’s UAE was developing at a very rapid pace as a country. The city’s planning and road structures were constantly changing and being upgraded. The streets did not have any bike lanes. There was hardly a culture for learning to ride a bike. There wasn’t any restriction on girls learning how to ride a bike, but the inconvenience and the general lifestyle didn’t make it a priority.

When did you decide you wanted to learn how to ride a bike?

It was always a “SOMEDAY” thing for me. I never really had much motivation to learn. My 2 older daughters learned to ride a bike, ironically, in Abu Dhabi, some 30 years later, while I was heavily pregnant with my third child. I was very content with living vicariously through them. I was happy that they could achieve something that I couldn’t growing up. When my girls were born I told my husband that it was essential for me that they learn to ride a bike. 

Summer of 2020, my third daughter went from training wheels to 2 wheels in Saskatoon. The day that happened, I was on foot and all three of my girls rode ahead of me to our neighbourhood park. When we enter our park, there is a point where the path curves uphill and then downhill. As my daughters picked up speed, and made the turn, they disappeared from my line of vision. That was my trigger. 

My heart stopped, as mother’s heart does. I felt a slow panic start to rise inside me that I was too slow and too far behind them on foot and what if they fell and got hurt. What if they got abducted? (Unlikely and maybe irrational, but a mother’s worst nightmare). It was that day that I felt that learning to ride a bike was no longer something I might do someday. It became a necessity for me for the safety of my children. 

Another thing was (and this is going to sound ridiculous but…) I felt last year that we were nearing apocalyptic times. COVID and the fears surrounding it were in full force and I had this crazy fear that if the world was ending, and all the cars stopped working and we had to get somewhere fast, it would have to be on bikes. And I would be left behind. I guess it didn’t help that I had watched “Contagion” during the initial lockdown! But it did the trick too! 

Since this month’s theme is Roadblocks, can you tell us what roadblocks you overcame through this process?

I guess when I really think about it, the main Roadblock was fear. Fear of failing, fear of falling and breaking an arm, leg or ankle at the age of 38! Fear of looking like a complete idiot as a grown woman learning to ride a bike. Fear of embarrassment. I had to deal with each component of fear separately. One day at a time, one fear at a time. 

I also wanted to add that a massive motivator for me was my husband's belief in me. He was my main teacher, coach and cheerleader through this. He wouldn't let me give up. 

 How did you feel when you went for your first bike ride?

SCARED and determined. I was scared about all the things I mentioned above. I was scared of physical injury and scared of people’s opinions! I was scared that people around me would laugh at me. I was also scared of falling in front of my daughters. 

I was determined to at least try to balance myself 5 times in one day before I stopped. I was determined to succeed at my goal for that specific day. I was determined to not listen to the negativity in my head while on the bike. 

You’re a mother to three girls, so I feel like part of this exercise was a lesson for them. Can you speak about this?

As a mother, my journey through motherhood has been one of self-reformation. I have really worked hard on myself to try and show my daughters what it means to be a complete woman. What it means to be strong, mentally, emotionally and physically. 

Learning to ride a bike was a lesson in determination, focus and mindset shift, probably more for me than the girls. But my aim was to show them it is never too late in life to learn a new skill. And that you are always a work in progress in life. I also wanted to teach them that you have to surround yourself with people cheering you on and ignore the naysayers. The lesson was to build the inner strength to achieve your goals. 

What would you say to encourage others who think it may be ‘too late’ to accomplish a goal or a dream?

I would say give yourself the grace to fail. The permission to fall off the bike but don’t allow yourself to stay on the ground. My biggest fear was falling off and hurting myself. The day that happened I had the worst scraped knee and a massive bruise on my thigh. I was in pain. But the next morning, as I was nursing my physical wounds and my wounded ego, I thought the worst has happened, now what? Are you done? 

If the goal or dream is important enough, give yourself the time to fail, pause, reassess and get back on the bike. There was a gap of almost 2 months between when I first got on the bike and fell to when I got back on again. But when I got back on, there was something different inside. It felt like Do or Die. I thought to myself that I’m going to push myself as far as I can. If I can’t achieve it after that, then I’ll allow myself to give up. But I had to keep punching the negative me in my head. 

Another thing that’s really important is that YOUR OWN VOICE of determination has to be louder in your head than the people bringing you down. There will always be days when the negative voices will drown you out, but you have to shout louder.