It's all about confidence

Here’s the thing. I don’t know that I’ve ever properly prepared for a project in my life.
I only learned to do this since opening The Well two years ago, and started to apply it since the Pandemic.
Yes, it’s been less than a month since I thought preparation may be a good for one of my recent ideas.
That it holds ‘some’ value.

This said idea, I prepared for in about two days. Now, I am not saying ‘be like me’, please be yourself.
What I am saying is, a whole lotta amazing stuff can happen with little or no preparing.

I’ve thought long and hard about why.
I’ve criticized myself for lack of preparation.
I’ve told myself ‘I should be different’. 
But I’m not. When push comes to shove, I am a jumper inner. 
I am spontaneous, I am a yes girl, I am an excited go-getter. 
And I absolutely love it!

I love myself, I love how I am, I love the adrenaline rush, the next day crash, the mistake making indulgent girl named Tammy.
I love her, I’d better, she’s all I’ve got. She’s my M.O. 

I had to look that up btw; Modus Operandi or mode of operating

Let’s explore some examples of me being unpreparedly confident:

The day I decided to become a photographer, 20 odd years ago, I bought a camera and asked my friends if they would be my subjects. I made a little album with their photos, took it to the hair salon I worked at and showed ALL my clients, much to the dismay of my boss. Soon, I started to have more photography bookings than time, so I had to stop doing hair altogether. I got myself a little studio on 2nd ave for $peanuts and never looked back.

My first ever wedding was of a hair stylist at the salon I worked at.
I still remember how I felt when she asked, terrified, but guess what I said. YES!

It was awesome. I just did the best I could. I said the same thing to myself on that day as I do now, ‘just make them look their best, showcase their love for one another, that’s your only job’.
But you know what really worked for me, my confidence. I believed I could, and so I did.

Why am I confident? Let’s figure it out.

Recently I did a pitch for Seeds for Dreams and won, whoop! After the pitch, one of the women competing came up to me to say congrats and commented on how confident I was. I hadn’t thought about it, but I guess I was! Earlier in the day I was so sick with nerves and didn’t know if I could do it, however I still knew I deserved it as much as anyone else there, so I would do my best.

But the question lingered? Why are some more confident than others?

It takes me back to a time last summer at the lake. My parents were there and hanging out on the dock while I paddle boarded around the lake, my new favourite summer activity. As I was returning to shore I noticed them taking a video of me. Obviously I wanted to watch the video immediately upon returning to the shore.
In watching it I realized the most hilarious thing, my parents were cheering for me like it was the Olympics! Let’s back it up a minute, I am a 40 year old woman, slightly overweight, had 3 kids, and don’t have a lot of time for myself, but apparently I am a CHAMPION PADDLE BOARDER!

They are so happy for me, so proud of me, thrilled by my little skill of paddling. In this moment I thought, does everyone have this? Is this why I am willing to try anything? Is it simply because I know I am loved? Yes this certainly plays a part. I wish everyone had a guaranteed cheering section, pass or fail. What a different world we would live in. Full of risk takers, freedom, and much less competition. I’m convinced we are all born confident, but I wonder if our upbringing either cements it or removes it.

I know that I am well loved by my parents, my husband, my kids, and this plays a huge role in my risk taking in business. There are so many factors.
Most of all I am abundantly loved by Jesus, forever, unconditionally.
Which certainly makes me feel confident, and is available to anyone who wants it.
Whereas my parents are not.

Confident by definition says;

the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.

Interesting. I wouldn’t say I am confident in myself. I have mental illness, and have for as long as I have memories. I actually don’t trust myself that much. But I do trust God. I fully trust in Him. In fact, mental illness has allowed for me to surrender control on more than one occasion. More like thousands of occasions, many times a day.

Let’s dig deeper, what else does it say.

the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.

Better. Yes, this makes sense. I am certain of the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

I think this is why it works for me. I am confident in God. I trust in Him. I know He will make my ways straight. If I am meant to be successful at The Well, I will be. If I am meant to be a great photographer, I will be. It is not my own doing, but His. 

1 Corinthians 1:31
“Therefore, as it is written: "Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord."

God is so good. He always points everything right back to himself. It’s amazing to not be responsible and have to own everything on our shoulders. It’s freeing. 

Matthew 11:30
“For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Writing this now, I didn’t prepare. I looked up those definitions as I wrote. I responded in that moment. I will continue to be this person, who I am, because truthfully I can’t be anything else. 

I started this article hoping to help you find confidence in yourself.
I end it by saying, I can’t help with that. I can only point you to a permanent confidence that is beyond yourself.
Jesus Christ. 

Written by Tammy Zdunich

Co-Founder of The Well and Master Photographer