Renewal, what is it?
To start, renewal cannot be achieved without rest.
The pursuit of rest is something I have chased for a very long time. Even before kids, when I delighted in an afternoon nap on days off, a nap was not usually the rest that I needed.
Rest should be something that fills your cup. Something that leaves you literally renewed. Something that allows you to show up and be present for those around you in the best possible version of yourself. When we have rested, truly rested, we have enough capacity to delight in the little things. We notice the birds. We notice the clouds. We notice our people’s faces differently. We can look them in the eye and really listen to what they’re saying and have the capacity to respond in meaningful ways.
The Oxford dictionary defines rest as: cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength.
Did you hear that?
Rest. Refresh. Recover Strength. That sounds pretty renewed to me.
True rest isn’t just a nap, though sometimes your physical body needs to relax before your cup – your spirit – can be filled. Some people find rest hard because it leaves one alone with one’s thoughts. We fill the space with a book or a show and a glass of wine.
When was the last time you stopped and did absolutely nothing? Just looked at the sky. Or your cat. Or your dandelions. When was the last time you took yourself out for lunch and didn’t bring a book or pulled out your phone, but just ate and watched and listened to your surroundings?
I think rest is stopping the doing. And being comfortable in the silence. To let the renewal wash over you like the cold, crisp tingle of a truly refreshing drink.
Rest is also the first step to boredom, where all the most beautiful things are born. Taking time alone with your thoughts is where creativity and ideas arise. It is the first step to doing the most amazing thing you’ve not even thought of or considered yet. It’s the way to curiosity.
I recently had a few weeks off from work in which I rested not once. I filled every day to the brim with tasks and appointments I had put off too long. Then a magical thing happened at the end of my break at a little cabin in the woods. Inner Illume 2.0 gave me the rest, renewal and connection I didn’t realize I was missing. Everything was done for us, so we had only to chill, go for a walk or a paddle on the lake, nap or read. We did yoga and sat through guided meditation. It was the definition of rest.
The most startling part of this retreat was how leaving my phone in my backpack made me forced to take in my surroundings. I stopped reaching for it out of habit after the first 2 hours. And then I just marveled at how much time and space and thoughts I had. I couldn’t remember the last time I had done this.
Those amazing phones that connect us in incredible ways, really have taken over our brains in ways that aren’t rest. But it feels like rest. Think of, for example, the phenomenon of revenge bedtime, which I will re-label: revenge rest-time.
Revenge rest-time is when you long for your bed the entire day, and then when you finally get there, you instead lay scrolling so late that you totally regret everything the next day and promise you’ll never do this to yourself again. And repeat.
Because our brains and our bodies are smart. If they’re not getting the rest they need, they will eventually break or find a sneaky way to get it. Revenge bedtime is our minds craving renewal and connection and searching for it online. Have you ever found yourself REALLY sick right after a big deadline, vacation or a set of tough exams? Have you ever pushed your physical body until it broke and forced you to rest due to illness? This happened to me quite distinctly that one time I defended my MSc thesis while 9 months pregnant with my second child. My first was not yet 2 years. I used to work all day at my job, grab the toddler from daycare and have a couple hours before bedtime, go to bed with the toddler, then wake up around 3 or 4 am to work on my thesis until I had to get the toddler to daycare and myself to my job.
And I tell the story with some pride, but mostly head shaking shame that I thought it was impressive to push my physical body so hard and so long until it cracked. I could barely speak at my thesis defense because my voice was gone from being sick. And then I didn’t leave my bed for two weeks. Thank all the gods and angels my daughter was smart enough not to come out of her safe and warm habitat until we all got our business in order on the outside. She was miraculously 2 weeks late.
Why do I tell you this story?
Because the pursuit of rest and restoration is very, very personal to me. I’ve watched myself and others kill themselves for deadlines and families and all our daily obligations. And for what. So that everyone gets a smaller version of us? So that the people we love get a version that is exhausted, sick, and depleted?
We hear this a lot with respect to mothers or women who volunteer relentlessly in their communities. They are so “selfless”. Without Self. How is this the best thing a woman can be? How is it the best thing any person can be?
The answer is, it is not. The best thing you can be is your refreshed, curious, thoughtful, present, whole self. That’s when your ideas will have space to take root. That’s when curiosity turns to creativity or connection. And to get there, first we need to stop, look around and do absolutely nothing.
So, I present you with a challenge. Even if all you can carve out today is 10 minutes. Stop doing. Everything. Go outside if you can. Stare at the sky. Set an alarm so you don’t keep checking your phone and get immediately distracted by a notification. Breathe in, breathe out. Listen for birds. Look for clouds.
Or find your favourite person, slap their phone out of their hands and stare into their eyes. Really look. Creep them right out. Smile. Ask if they want to go for a walk.
Find a way to just be.
Find your own definition of renewed.