Getting Our Needs Met While Aligning With Our Values

So much of success is about mindset and personal growth. As we wage the unending internal battle against imposter syndrome, we have to work hard to believe we are worth it. That we are deserving of that success. Yet, when we finally own it and have enough confidence to say, “this is what I need,”… I don’t know about you, but I find it hard not to feel like a total bitch when I assert myself.

The question is why? Men don’t lose sleep over this when they’re blazing trails to get their needs met. As women, we walk a fine line. It’s far too easy to get labelled as difficult or aggressive when we’re actually just… leading, succeeding, and standing up for our values and beliefs.

Sometimes it’s hard not to stand down for the sake of being agreeable and prioritizing the happiness and comfort of others. If we do, though, we risk allowing our own needs to go unmet, and we sacrifice our authenticity by not being true to our values. That doesn’t feel good either.

To get shut down when you advocate for yourself, or to be perceived in a negative light because of it, can knock you down. It might seem like all that hard work to build yourself up was for nothing, and you’re no further along than you were.

I can admit that there are some days when I feel completely defeated. Hardly able to get out of bed and go to work. Some days, it feels like no matter how much I improve my mindset, create systems, and time-block, I’ve made zero progress. I start to wonder if I’m any further along and if I will ever be able to move the needle forward.

In those moments, I often think back to a graph my therapist showed me in my 20s when I was suffering from debilitating anxiety. She explained that when it feels like I’ve gotten nowhere and I’m back where I started, I’m not. While those dips might feel devastating at the time, they are actually quite small.

Progress isn’t one big leap. It’s steady growth over time. It’s the insights, skills, strength, and accomplishments that accumulates. It’s a long game. When you pause to look back at where you started, you’ll see that you’ve gained far more than you perceive you’ve lost.

I’ve made progress. Through trial and error, I’ve learned a few things about the critical importance of self-care. I’m better at communicating with my family about what I need. I rest when my body tells me to, and I’m learning to take on less guilt for doing it. If I’m not healthy, I won’t be any good to anyone – not my family and not my business.

I’m also better at being specific about what I need to do for myself, and I try to be very clear on the kind of help that I need. Because of that, I don’t feel like a bitch when I assert myself. I feel like a human being who has needs that must be met for my life or my business to stay on track.

I’m not sure if it’s perception or rejection that prevents us from leaning in. But the reality is that no one spends as much time thinking about us as we do about ourselves. Mostly, we’re worried about someone’s opinion of us when they probably hardly give us a thought. People also like to be helpful in general – you might be surprised to find an acquaintance who is more than happy to assist you simply because it gives them purpose.

If prioritizing self-care is something you struggle with, practice little things, one small thing each day, in your business or home life, that will bear fruit and help meet your needs. And the next time you contemplate whether you are valuable enough to ask for what you need, consider this: Instead of asking the question, ‘what if this ask hurts my business?’, ask yourself, ‘what if it doesn’t?’

What if prioritizing your needs actually increases business growth, sustainability, or longevity while keeping your actions aligned with your values? I’m willing to bet that it does.